


Mourning

by MysteryWriter36



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Cuddling, Hurt/Comfort, Loss of a Friend, M/M, Mourning, Reader-Insert, a bit of cursing, death mention, greif, new years day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2019-02-26 04:36:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13228206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MysteryWriter36/pseuds/MysteryWriter36
Summary: New Year’s Day is a bad time for you. But your boyfriend Philip is there to help you through it.





	Mourning

You were biting your lip, trying hard to hold back the tears as you stared at the clock.

_12:00 AM_

Another New Year’s Day was here. Another New Year’s Day without _her_.

You sat on the edge of your bed holding yourself, breathing deeply, and trying to calm down. The last thing you wanted was to break down into sobs when you were expecting your boyfriend to be over any minute.

You were shocked out of your thoughts by the sound of your window sliding open. You turned to see Philip crawling in, and gave him a tight smile.

“H-hey, Pip.” you said, putting all your effort into sounding happy.

“Hey babe,” Philip replied as he shut your window, “Everyone passed out on the couch a few minutes before the countdown, so I slipped out early.”

“T-that’s good.” you breathed, clenching the sheets between your fingers, trying to keep up the facade.

Philip came over and sat down next to you before pulling you into a hug. He kissed the top of your head and pulled you into his lap.

“So?” he asked, smiling down at you, “How’s the New Year going so far for my favorite guy?”

“It’s great!”

Damn it. Your voice cracked. And your eyes were misting.

“Y/N, is something wrong?” Philip asked, gently running his fingers through your hair in an attempt to sooth you.

You bit your lip and stared at him for several seconds before shaking your head, Tears finally falling down your cheeks. You clung to him and ducked your head, leaning against his chest as you finally let go of the sobs you had been holding back.

The sound of your cries broke Philip’s heart. He held you close and rocked you as he stroked your hair, kissing the top of your head in between utterances of “It’s okay, baby” and “I love you.”

Several minute later, your sobs quieted. You continued to sniffle and breathe heavily as Philip held you, but you were much calmer now.

He reached over to your night stand and grabbed a couple of tissues. He handed them to you and you lifted your head a little to wipe away the tears and blow your nose a couple times before tossing the tissues in wastebasket a few feet away. You leaned back against Philip, and he heard your breaths slowly get back to normal.

“Her name was Merideth.”

“What?”

You snuggled again and looked up at Philip, your eyes red and puffy from so much crying. You sounded so small, so fragile.

“Merideth. She’s why I’m so upset.” You whispered, looking away. “She died two years ago. Just a few months before you started school here.”

Philip kissed your forehead again before whispering back, “I’m so sorry, Y/N. Is there anything I can do? Do you want to talk about it?”

“Hold me. I wanna....” you paused, swallowing and trying to hold back tears that threatened to form once more, “ I wanna talk about it.”

“Of course, angel. Take your time.”

You took a deep breath and wiped your eyes before continuing. “She was born with a heart defect. I didn’t know the specifics, but she had been through a few surgeries. And then in eighth grade, she left about a week before Winter Break was supposed to start. She had another surgery scheduled. We all made her Christmas cards since she wouldn’t be there for the Christmas party. A lot of the band kids-“ you got choked up again and stopped, leaning your head on Philip’s chest again as you failed to hold back your sobs.

Philip held you and soothed you, waiting patiently. He grabbed more tissues for you, and you wiped away more tears. Finally, you were ready to continue.

“S-so, the band kids- they all put in their cards that they couldn’t wait to welcome back their future drum major. Everyone loved her, everyone knew she would be drum major when she was old enough.” you said, the fond memory causing you to smile a bit.

“What happened?” Philip gently prompted.

Your smile disappeared. “She died in the hospital after the surgery. On New Year’s Day. A-at thirteen years old.” You looked up at Philip, tears now falling down both of your faces. “It’s not fair!” you choked out, clenching the fabric of his shirt in your fists and buried your face in his chest again. “It isn’t fair,” you repeated, “It just isn’t fair! Sh-she was a _kid_ , Philip! Fucking _thirteen_!”

“I know, baby, I know. I’m so sorry.” he said, holding you tighter than before. He leaned his head on top of yours and slipped one of his hands in yours, trying to remind you he was there for you.

You took a deep breath and pulled away, pecking him on check before twisting around and reaching for the water bottle on your night stand. You took a few sips, blew your nose with another tissue, then leaned back against Philip, loosely wrapping your arms around his neck.

“Sorry for getting tears and snot on your shirt.”

“It’s okay, baby. You don’t have to apologize for that. Is there anything else I can do to help you?”

You looked up at him nervously. “Stay the night and cuddle me? Please.”

He smiled and leaned down to kiss you softly. “Of course, Y/N. Whatever you need.”

“Could we get in bed now? I know it’s kinda early for the New Year but I’m really tired and-“

“Shhh, it’s okay. Of course we can.” he said, softly moving his thumb across your cheek. You leaned into his palm, a hint of a smile on your lips. He kissed your nose, which made you giggle, and then gently moved you off his lap.

The both of you stripped to your underwear and crawled under the covers, Philip throwing an arm across your waist and pulling your back flush against his chest. His kissed your neck and shoulder, whispering sweet nothings and lacing his fingers with yours.

“Thank you, Philip. For everything. I love you so much.”

“You’re welcome, Y/N. I love you, too. Happy New Year.”

You smiled, finally content and relaxed. “Happy New Year.”

It was still hard, even several years later. But having Philip by your side helped ease your pain.

**Author's Note:**

> In memory of Merideth  
> July 2002 - January 2016  
> Rest In Piece, my friend  
> I miss you ❤️


End file.
